Category : Coaching Positivity

Kick Obsessiveness to the Curb!

Posted by Dr. Judy at 7:59 am

Do you have that little voice someone who incessantly talks to you?
Tells you how you screwed up, puts you down, or belittles you when
life has given you too many sour notes? Is ”second-guessing” yourself
embedded in your brain?

Or does your little voice positivity remind you of what you need or want
to do to make your day meaningful? Your inner voice is like the Energizer
Bunny who never winds down offering you hope and happiness?

I don’t know about you, but I was born an obsessive thinker.
My “internal dialogue”  or self-talk starts chattering in my head as soon as
I wake up. Sometimes it’s talking  about left-over stuff and other times with
novelty. Did you know your brain solves problems for you, offers you ideas,
or clarifies your world while you sleep?  Yes, during sleep your brain is still
chomping away like a busy beaver.

Like everything else, obsessive thinking can be a pro or con. Great part is you
can generate ideas. On a good day, the creative stuff pops out and you muse
about fun ideas and possibilities. That’s super. You then can then develop an
action plan and create goals and accomplish them and YIPPEE!

On a tough day, your inner critic may pop out, slap you around, reminding you
that your membership in the ”Royal Flunkee Club” is well deserved.

What if you just accepted that your brain works nonstop? To savor your curiosity
and energy that allows you to get more things happily done? To accept yourself
rather than listening to chastising, harsh self talk.

What can you DO to get your inner dialogue to stop?

1. Physically get up and move! Changing your environment gives the brain
a diversion and helps quell your obsessiveness. It fires up your brain to pay
attention to something else. A re-framing relief.

2. Magic slate it away. When I was in coach training years ago, and
I was  incessantly beating myself up for a mistake, esteemed Anne Durand,
MentorCoach  CEO,  told me, “This is not rocket science! It is one coaching
session. Judy, let it go!” But obsessive  me, I was still angry with myself.
Exasperated, she admonished, “Get over your big, damn self!”  I smiled.
She was right. And boy did that idea stick!

3. Treat yourself with respect.You are respectful to others; why not try on
that size yourself? You can tailor your inner self talk to look for the good. It works!

4. Write down one good thing that happened each day. One gratitude,
one good experience, anything that made you smile. Humor is another spirit lifter.
Remember those cancer patients who watched funny sitcoms got better faster
and lived longer?

5. Reread your positive intentions and affirmations.Praise yourself for
following through. Be gentle with yourself. Quit putting your washing machine
cycle on heavy duty!  Tell yourself affirming self-statements, “It was hard, but
I did it.  I am proud of myself.”

6. Accept you ain’t perfect! That is what is so wonderful about you!
Your uniqueness and  mess ups make you a lovely human. If your brain
works over time, love it anyway. Making mistakes is always your golden
opportunity to learn. Living is learning and it keeps your brain in tiptop
shape. It even wards off dementia!

7. What you focus on grows. You can retrain your brain. The more you
focus on how  wonderful you are, the more your brain will believe it. Your neurons
will sprout positivity.  Use your tenacity strength. Find a positivity partner who
will help you remember to let go of your sticky negativity. Being accountable to
someone propels your positivity into high gear. Watch your confidence and
competence add sparkle to your life.

Have any light bulbs turned on for you obsessive thinkers?
May I kindly ask you to LET GO! of stinkin’ obsessive thinkin’.
Forgive and accept yourself, warts and all.

Go stomp in the rain or have a snowball fight. Smile at life.
No beating yourself up. Hug your ever-moving brain and thank God you have one!

Did I hear a negative “Yes…But this is hard!” emanating from your mouth?
My Mom used to teasingly threaten me, “Do you want me to come after
you with the fly swatter?”  Ouch!

Nah, you don’t need a sting, you need to learn to sing! How ’bout:

“I love myself, yes I do, do-dah, do-dah,
I love myself in every way, oh do-dah day!”

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Want to review your strengths and see how to make them work for you?
You can see fun and picturesque 2-page stories in my new book.
Photo Adventures in Cuba ~ Unlock Your Power of Positivity!
Click here to take a peek!

I’d love to hear from you!
Just send me your questions, and I will answer in a future blog.
You can also connect with me on facebook, LinkedIn, or twitter
www.facebook.com/drjudykrings

Fun Quiz: Am I Ready for Coaching?

Posted by Dr. Judy at 3:00 am

One more thing…
When you make the joyful decision to transform your life into the dream
you have imagined, and you get a coach, always let your coach know about
how you like to be coached:  Gentle nudge; Energetic encouragement, Direct
suggestions, Pedal to the metal and full steam ahead;  Saunter and savor;
Send me information emails; or Nail me if I am not accountable!
You direct your coach’s traffic. I love your feedback and appreciate every
comment. What’s whipping around in your plans turns my cream into savory butter!

Turquoise Runs Rings Around Resilience

Posted by Dr. Judy at 3:00 am

Has your life ever been hi-jacked? Let me tell you a true story.
It began 4 years ago. How would you feel if this happened to you?

What if you were 89 years old and in one fell swoop lost your identity
as you had known it? You were whisked off to an assisted living center,
your broken ankle in a cast, your butt in a wheelchair, and deaf because
no one remembered to bring along your cochlear implant? Your daughter
is desperately trying to get a plane flight to come and look after you.
Shockingly quick, within a matter of days per your wishes, your house is
sold for a low ball price. You will never see the home you designed and
built 50 years ago. No saying good-bye to your possessions. Never get to
water your precious plants in your beloved greenhouse. No one last time.
Tough to swallow, but at least you rationalize your house was sold. That’s
how fast life locked the door to my Mom’s reality.

Resilience. Pluck. Awareness and acceptance. They all took time.
But her 90th birthday surprise a month later really perked her up.
Connections. Belonging. Tenacity to heal. Petting her sweet Scottie
dog, Katie, once in awhile, made life worth living again. As you know,
Mom is now 93, out of assisted living, and as she put it, “Living like a
princess, no make that a queen!” at Cathy and Bill’s home in Delaware.
She’s the one with two dogs in her lap with 3 larger pups vying for attention.

But one small detail was lacking, not that Mom would ever complain.
Mom’s hands have been knotted and swollen by arthritis for years.
She missed wearing a ring, but she didn’t want me to buy her new ones nor
to have her rings sized larger. But one day a few months ago, she was
philosophically saying she did miss wearing a ring, but she knew none would fit.

You know me; I had a light bulb moment. On my next flight home, I took all
her rings. I also went to an antique shop and bought 3 I thought might fit.
Full of hope, off to Delaware I flew, rings tucked safely in my purse along
with the whole top tray of her old jewelry box.

To see Mom’s face light up when she saw those rings was worth a million bucks.
With vigor and hope in her heart, she delightedly tried on every one. To her
surprise, several fit. Talk about joy! I was praying her 30 year old watch would
work, too, if I could find a battery. Eureka! I lucked out. That old turquoise
time piece kindly began tick-tocking away.

I am in my 6th decade, and it never ceases to amaze me how every time I
visit Mom, I learn something new about life. To savor. To let go of regrets.
To look for the good. To appreciate EVERYTHING! Mom is the poster girl
for living positive psychology and living her best life now.

Turquoise blue like the azure seas of the Pacific…I look down upon this beauty
ever day from our jungle perch here in Puerto Vallarta.  Everyday I think of
Mom wearing her rings and watch.

What has been your toughest life challenge?
Which strengths became your life preserver?
Which ones plastered a smile upon your face again?
Courage, love of learning, forgiveness? What else?

No matter what, you have 24 strengths to choose from everyday to feather
your nest.  Time to soar to new heights. Just like Mom.Did you remember
I wrote a strengths book dedicated to her?

Want to review your strengths and see how to make them work for you?
You can see fun and picturesque 2-page stories in my new book.
Click here to take a peek!

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I’d love to hear from you!
Just send me your questions, and I will answer in a future blog.
You can also connect with me on facebook, LinkedIn, or twitter
www.facebook.com/drjudykrings

Learn From My Nepalese Son: Say ‘Yes!’ to Your Life!

Posted by Dr. Judy at 1:09 am

© 2012 Dr. Judy Krings

“A man is but the product of his thoughts; what he thinks, he becomes.”
~Mahatma Gandhi

Do you start off every New Year’s with telling yourself what you want, need
to, or have to change? What if you actively thought and focused on what is
already RIGHT about your life?

Let me tell you a story about Hari, my adopted son from Nepal. Hari sacrifices
every time he calls me from his expensive cell phone, but he says, “Ama, I just
want to hear your voice.” He isn’t able to call often. Sometimes he has a 4-hour
round bus trip to call or email me. Many times I am with a coaching client, and
I cannot take his call. It kills me when I see it’s him as my phone flashes his number
and I cannot take his call.

Today I was coaching a super sweet, lovely client when his number beeped in.
Usually I would never interrupt a client’s session. But this lady is a super Mom gem,
and I had a gut feeling I needed to take Hari’s call. I asked her permission, and she
was thrilled for me. She happily encouraged me to take it. Bless her!

Back story? Hari, 27, has had many losses in his life, including his mother when
he was 3. In September, Hari lost much of his home and the lean-to for his only
cow in the Nepal earthquake.  I was dying to see how he and his wife and two
kids were doing. He works as a Himalayan guide and does office work at Earthbound
Expeditions In Kathmandu. No one climbs the Himalayas this time of year, so money
is scarce. When my two friends and I were going to visit his home, the roads were
washed out. Hari did not want me to know his house had major damage. He never
wants me to worry about him. He always wants to support me! I didn’t know about
his loss until I returned from Nepal. He only wanted me to remember the good.

After we chatted a short time today, I knew Hari was OK. He was starting to
work on his destroyed home. Heartbreaking, In a third world country like
Nepal, everything happens at a snail’s pace, and Hari is not a man of means.
He needed  to save money before he could begin to rebuild. In his heart,
however, Hari is the richest man alive. He lives his Hindu religion and is the
most positive man I have ever met.

When I quickly returned to my coaching session, my client who follows my blog,
was curious to learn about Hari’s philosophy. She and I had been discussing her
wanting more focus and simplicity in life. I told her what I had learned about
Hari in Nepal, while he was swinging on a 40′ tall bamboo swing. The swings
are erected for holiday celebrations, and people in Nepal are very excited
about standing up and swinging as high to Heaven as they can.

Hari did not know I had walked down to where he was swinging. I stood on
the sidelines savoring the huge grin on his face. With every pull to make the
swing go forward, he yelled the word, “Yes!” over and over.

After the Hari call, my delighted client, now in a very upbeat mode, retorted,
“This is perfect! That is what I need to do. To say ‘YES’ to my life instead of
always focusing on how I need to multi-task to do more. I get It.  Awareness…
Acceptance… To appreciate the little things. That is what I need…Simplicity.
Enjoying what I learned from Hari! This IS my real life. This man has few
material things, but he embraces life and loves Nepal and his family, and you,
his American Mom. This session Is perfect! You respected me and Hari.
He called just to hear your voice. Wow! This makes him happy. And all along
I have been looking for this big concept, ‘What an I do to get happier?’
Now I get it!”

Talk about a win-win! I profusely thanked her for reflecting her virtues and
strengths. Her optimistic, loving, kind, forgiving, and curious values helped
me use my courage strength to ask her permission to talk to Hari. She is
thrilled that I am blogging about this so she can pay her new learning forward.

What do you want to say YES! to in your life? You make my day when I hear
from you, so please put a smile on my face and drop me and email.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Savor a new adventure and the beautiful photography in my new book:
Photo Adventures in Cuba ~ Unlock Your Power of Positivity”
Click here to take a peek!

I’d love to hear from you!
Just send me your questions, and I will answer in a future blog.
You can also connect with me on facebook, LinkedIn, or twitter
www.facebook.com/drjudykrings

7 Tips to Happy New Year Happiness

Posted by Dr. Judy at 3:00 am

© 2011 Dr. Judy Krings

Are you the champagne guzzlin’, midnight hot-lipped kisser,
“HAPPY NEW YEAR” celebrator? Or maybe you love to sit quietly
at home and watch the NY Time Square folks in all their revelry.
Or do you sleep through the commotion thinking New Year’s is just another day?

I like to ponder the past a bit and then think how I want the
next year to be. Some years I make an intention to focus on a theme,
like “Less,” “Freedom,” Peace,” or “Forgiveness.”  Other years I have a
very specific plan and goal. Last year’s was “Get your book published!”
Talk about the need to line up all my character strengths to pull that one off!
Huge thanks to all you faithful supporters who bought my book and let me
know how much you are enjoying it. Click here to see the listing on Amazon!

How can you know, absolutely know, you will be happier this year? Here’s how:

1. Look for all the positives about yourself. If you get stuck, ask several trusted
friends what is positively unique about you. Their responses will blow you away.
Life satisfaction is a largely a result of whether you feel good about who you are.
You need to confidently know you are going in the direction of growth and
achievement. Use your strengths to stand up to adversity. Look challenges
in the eye and yell, “Bring it on!”

2. Be courageous. Know you are the master of your universe and the skilled
captain of your ship. Make an action plan and “ACT, NOT REACT” with negativity
when life seems to be rotating off its axis. You are in control. Plan and follow
through with specific goals. Be accountable!

3. Reach out to others.  Extroverted folks have an easier time in life and report
they are happier than introverts. That said, introverts can learn to be more
social, more hopeful and more upbeat if they seek out supportive relationships.
Remember, I said you need to be courageous! Even a smile opens doors.

4. Own an optimistic attitude. This is key to you becoming happier. Negativity
breeds like fruit flies! Keep those negative nuisance thoughts in their petri dish!
Be hopeful yet realistic. Watch your confidence soar. Look for the good.
You will find it if you focus on it.

5. Power up positive social relationships. This is major and two-pronged:
social support and emotional intimacy. If you have loyal and understanding
friends with whom you confide (if they add humor, all the better!), you will
report greater subjective well-being. Deep emotional relationships add
sparkle and clarity to your life. Coping with life’s problems and feeling better
about yourself is easier when you have others who emotionally care and share.

6. Vision, purpose, and meaning. Huge concepts! Add spirituality and get double
your pleasure happiness. This takes soul-searching and ongoing awareness to
achieve balance. Acknowledge what you want in life and why. Make a plan to
master your wishes. Be in the service of others as well as maintaining your own
vision. It’s OK to be off balance! That’s called NORMAL! Plant new seeds of learning
and watch your happiness grow. Be mindful of what you want in life. Keep moving
forward, even when life’s head winds make your journey challenging.

7. Negative internal dialogue? Let go of it!  When you hear your inner critic,
that nasty little part of yourself that puts you down, banish it to the sidelines.
Accept and hug it if you want, but let it know YOU are in charge of your own life.
You are a winner. Listen to your positivity. Remember to embrace your strengths.

If this were a quiz, how would you score? How about using these tips as your
New Year plan or goal? You are wonderful, creative, and have within yourself
every blame thing you need to bask in well-being and happiness.

Happy New Year! Make me dance like the Cuban dancer you see in my photo.
Flash me an email and let me know how you measure your New Year happiness.
I’ll be so grateful to hear from you.

Can you see me waving at you with a gigantic grin belting out,
“Love, Light, and Laughter! ?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Savor a new adventure and the beautiful photography in my new book:
Photo Adventures in Cuba ~ Unlock Your Power of Positivity”
Click here to take a peek!

I’d love to hear from you!
Just send me your questions, and I will answer in a future blog.
You can also connect with me on facebook, LinkedIn, or twitter
www.facebook.com/drjudykrings