Tag : Self-regulation

Kick Obsessiveness to the Curb!

Posted by Dr. Judy at 7:59 am

Do you have that little voice someone who incessantly talks to you?
Tells you how you screwed up, puts you down, or belittles you when
life has given you too many sour notes? Is ”second-guessing” yourself
embedded in your brain?

Or does your little voice positivity remind you of what you need or want
to do to make your day meaningful? Your inner voice is like the Energizer
Bunny who never winds down offering you hope and happiness?

I don’t know about you, but I was born an obsessive thinker.
My “internal dialogue”  or self-talk starts chattering in my head as soon as
I wake up. Sometimes it’s talking  about left-over stuff and other times with
novelty. Did you know your brain solves problems for you, offers you ideas,
or clarifies your world while you sleep?  Yes, during sleep your brain is still
chomping away like a busy beaver.

Like everything else, obsessive thinking can be a pro or con. Great part is you
can generate ideas. On a good day, the creative stuff pops out and you muse
about fun ideas and possibilities. That’s super. You then can then develop an
action plan and create goals and accomplish them and YIPPEE!

On a tough day, your inner critic may pop out, slap you around, reminding you
that your membership in the ”Royal Flunkee Club” is well deserved.

What if you just accepted that your brain works nonstop? To savor your curiosity
and energy that allows you to get more things happily done? To accept yourself
rather than listening to chastising, harsh self talk.

What can you DO to get your inner dialogue to stop?

1. Physically get up and move! Changing your environment gives the brain
a diversion and helps quell your obsessiveness. It fires up your brain to pay
attention to something else. A re-framing relief.

2. Magic slate it away. When I was in coach training years ago, and
I was  incessantly beating myself up for a mistake, esteemed Anne Durand,
MentorCoach  CEO,  told me, “This is not rocket science! It is one coaching
session. Judy, let it go!” But obsessive  me, I was still angry with myself.
Exasperated, she admonished, “Get over your big, damn self!”  I smiled.
She was right. And boy did that idea stick!

3. Treat yourself with respect.You are respectful to others; why not try on
that size yourself? You can tailor your inner self talk to look for the good. It works!

4. Write down one good thing that happened each day. One gratitude,
one good experience, anything that made you smile. Humor is another spirit lifter.
Remember those cancer patients who watched funny sitcoms got better faster
and lived longer?

5. Reread your positive intentions and affirmations.Praise yourself for
following through. Be gentle with yourself. Quit putting your washing machine
cycle on heavy duty!  Tell yourself affirming self-statements, “It was hard, but
I did it.  I am proud of myself.”

6. Accept you ain’t perfect! That is what is so wonderful about you!
Your uniqueness and  mess ups make you a lovely human. If your brain
works over time, love it anyway. Making mistakes is always your golden
opportunity to learn. Living is learning and it keeps your brain in tiptop
shape. It even wards off dementia!

7. What you focus on grows. You can retrain your brain. The more you
focus on how  wonderful you are, the more your brain will believe it. Your neurons
will sprout positivity.  Use your tenacity strength. Find a positivity partner who
will help you remember to let go of your sticky negativity. Being accountable to
someone propels your positivity into high gear. Watch your confidence and
competence add sparkle to your life.

Have any light bulbs turned on for you obsessive thinkers?
May I kindly ask you to LET GO! of stinkin’ obsessive thinkin’.
Forgive and accept yourself, warts and all.

Go stomp in the rain or have a snowball fight. Smile at life.
No beating yourself up. Hug your ever-moving brain and thank God you have one!

Did I hear a negative “Yes…But this is hard!” emanating from your mouth?
My Mom used to teasingly threaten me, “Do you want me to come after
you with the fly swatter?”  Ouch!

Nah, you don’t need a sting, you need to learn to sing! How ’bout:

“I love myself, yes I do, do-dah, do-dah,
I love myself in every way, oh do-dah day!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Want to review your strengths and see how to make them work for you?
You can see fun and picturesque 2-page stories in my new book.
Photo Adventures in Cuba ~ Unlock Your Power of Positivity!
Click here to take a peek!

I’d love to hear from you!
Just send me your questions, and I will answer in a future blog.
You can also connect with me on facebook, LinkedIn, or twitter
www.facebook.com/drjudykrings

7 Tips to Happy New Year Happiness

Posted by Dr. Judy at 3:00 am

© 2011 Dr. Judy Krings

Are you the champagne guzzlin’, midnight hot-lipped kisser,
“HAPPY NEW YEAR” celebrator? Or maybe you love to sit quietly
at home and watch the NY Time Square folks in all their revelry.
Or do you sleep through the commotion thinking New Year’s is just another day?

I like to ponder the past a bit and then think how I want the
next year to be. Some years I make an intention to focus on a theme,
like “Less,” “Freedom,” Peace,” or “Forgiveness.”  Other years I have a
very specific plan and goal. Last year’s was “Get your book published!”
Talk about the need to line up all my character strengths to pull that one off!
Huge thanks to all you faithful supporters who bought my book and let me
know how much you are enjoying it. Click here to see the listing on Amazon!

How can you know, absolutely know, you will be happier this year? Here’s how:

1. Look for all the positives about yourself. If you get stuck, ask several trusted
friends what is positively unique about you. Their responses will blow you away.
Life satisfaction is a largely a result of whether you feel good about who you are.
You need to confidently know you are going in the direction of growth and
achievement. Use your strengths to stand up to adversity. Look challenges
in the eye and yell, “Bring it on!”

2. Be courageous. Know you are the master of your universe and the skilled
captain of your ship. Make an action plan and “ACT, NOT REACT” with negativity
when life seems to be rotating off its axis. You are in control. Plan and follow
through with specific goals. Be accountable!

3. Reach out to others.  Extroverted folks have an easier time in life and report
they are happier than introverts. That said, introverts can learn to be more
social, more hopeful and more upbeat if they seek out supportive relationships.
Remember, I said you need to be courageous! Even a smile opens doors.

4. Own an optimistic attitude. This is key to you becoming happier. Negativity
breeds like fruit flies! Keep those negative nuisance thoughts in their petri dish!
Be hopeful yet realistic. Watch your confidence soar. Look for the good.
You will find it if you focus on it.

5. Power up positive social relationships. This is major and two-pronged:
social support and emotional intimacy. If you have loyal and understanding
friends with whom you confide (if they add humor, all the better!), you will
report greater subjective well-being. Deep emotional relationships add
sparkle and clarity to your life. Coping with life’s problems and feeling better
about yourself is easier when you have others who emotionally care and share.

6. Vision, purpose, and meaning. Huge concepts! Add spirituality and get double
your pleasure happiness. This takes soul-searching and ongoing awareness to
achieve balance. Acknowledge what you want in life and why. Make a plan to
master your wishes. Be in the service of others as well as maintaining your own
vision. It’s OK to be off balance! That’s called NORMAL! Plant new seeds of learning
and watch your happiness grow. Be mindful of what you want in life. Keep moving
forward, even when life’s head winds make your journey challenging.

7. Negative internal dialogue? Let go of it!  When you hear your inner critic,
that nasty little part of yourself that puts you down, banish it to the sidelines.
Accept and hug it if you want, but let it know YOU are in charge of your own life.
You are a winner. Listen to your positivity. Remember to embrace your strengths.

If this were a quiz, how would you score? How about using these tips as your
New Year plan or goal? You are wonderful, creative, and have within yourself
every blame thing you need to bask in well-being and happiness.

Happy New Year! Make me dance like the Cuban dancer you see in my photo.
Flash me an email and let me know how you measure your New Year happiness.
I’ll be so grateful to hear from you.

Can you see me waving at you with a gigantic grin belting out,
“Love, Light, and Laughter! ?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Savor a new adventure and the beautiful photography in my new book:
Photo Adventures in Cuba ~ Unlock Your Power of Positivity”
Click here to take a peek!

I’d love to hear from you!
Just send me your questions, and I will answer in a future blog.
You can also connect with me on facebook, LinkedIn, or twitter
www.facebook.com/drjudykrings

5 Tips to Quit Making Excuses

Posted by Dr. Judy at 3:00 am

© 2011 Dr. Judy Krings

Do you make excuses?

If things go wrong, do you “complain and explain,” to use my
husband Ken’s words. Do you look for and find reasons to justify
your decisions? Bet you know people who live this theme every day.

I read this fascinating quote from “The StoryPeople,” and
it put my neurons on fun alert. Title: Really Good.
“I don’t have a whole lot of excuses for what’s gone wrong with my life,”
she said. “But the ones I do have are really good.”

As a shrink and coach, I’m an analyzer. I love to dig into
why certain weeds incessantly try to bloom in my garden.
Even my license plate reads “Analyze.” Why?
My curiosity strength is one of my signature strengths.
I love to discovery. Maybe that’s why I love NCIS on TV.

Why do you make an excuse?
Maybe you don’t want to do something, so tell a little white lie
to get out of it. Research relays the average person (whoever that is!)
lies many times a day. No kidding!

I’ll fess up. I hate to hurt feelings. An excuse might pop up
if I need to change my plans. I project others will be disappointed,
and I hate believing that. Excuses are like potato chips. Some days
you can’t get enough of them. But do you like all the pounds they
pile upon your positivity bones?

Here are 5 tips to dump your wagon of whining, making excuses, woes:
1. State the facts and shut up!
Ken’s words again. A bit gruff sounding when you first hear them ring
in your ear, but think about it. Which seems better to you: “Hi, Jane.
I know we made plans for Sat., but I need to cancel. I am disappointed.
I would love to reschedule.”  Versus: “Hi, Jane, I really do wish we could
get together Saturday, but, ah, I need to take the cat to the vet, then do errands
I hadn’t planned on, then I need to make some phone calls I have put off,
but so sorry, and hope you can forgive me, and I really mean it…Blah blah.

2. Pause to remember to live your values.
Honesty, integrity, and authenticity are strengths cementing your reputation.
Brings to mind one of my favorite coaching questions,
“How do you want to show up?”

3. Humor is OK!
“Susie, I got caught up and am busier than a 3-armed paper hanger.
Could we reschedule so I can really enjoy our time together?”
Remember the old “Carol Burnett” show? Carol would always be yelling,
“Mama, will you just shut the hell up?” No, it’s not nice to attack others,
but the point is to learn to be assertive. Say what you need openly.
But yes, please be kind!

4. Let go of past mistakes.
They were growth opportunities. Be grateful and appreciate yourself.
Identify what is right about wonderful you, not grieve over what is wrong.
Celebrate with positive self-talk, “I feel good when I tell it like it is. I am
aware of the feelings of others and am respectful, but I stay true to myself.”

5. No guilt trips allowed!
Guilt is like rocking in a rocking chair. It’s something to do, but it doesn’t
get you anywhere. Be grateful and appreciate life. If someone lays a guilt
trip on you, remind yourself, “I am not responsible for how you hear or
translate what I kindly say.” Boundaries are essential.

Maybe excuses hit home because holidays are approaching.
“Overwhelm” seems to be the word of the day. Remember,
“Too much to do!” starts with you. Self-care is essential.
Is that you I see stopping to organize and prioritize?
Getting out the red pen to cross off some unnecessary items?
Still having a problem? Flash me an email. I’ve got a gorilla and
a black grand-dog cock-a-poo, Fido, who will happily chase them away!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to all of you who have purchased my new book,
“Photo Adventures in Cuba ~ Unlock Your Power of Positivity”
for Thanksgiving and Christmas gifts. It’s packed with heart-warming
stories and picturesque photography.

Want more adventure?  Don’t forget to take a look at my new book…
“Photo Adventures in Cuba ~ Unlock Your Power of Positivity”
Click here to take a peek!

I’d love to hear from you!
Just send me your questions, and I will answer in a future blog.
You can also connect with me on facebook, LinkedIn, or twitter
www.facebook.com/drjudykrings

What do you Despise, Loathe, and Hate?

Posted by Dr. Judy at 3:00 am

© 2011 Dr. Judy Krings

Do you hate when you make a big fat honking mistake?
When was your last one?

I’m a coach, and I know better. I am aware.  
When I let negativity perch on my shoulder,
not one blame good thing comes from it.
But I am a spit fire emotional reactor who needs
to constantly hone my self-regulation strength. 
It ain’t my strong suit! I understand nasty negative words need to go bye-bye.

After I saw my blatant typo on my recent blog, in the title no less,
I was so angry at myself, I could have spit.
My inner critic was alive and well and screaming into my ear,
“I despise, loath and hate proofreading!”
Heavy duty wash cycle was needed to clean up my own harsh reactivity.

“LET GO!” I admonished. “Peace and calm. Forgive yourself!”
Easier said than done when humiliation hums in your head.
I continued to reframe. “It is a simple blog. You are not perfect.

Cut yourself some slack. Will anyone remember this a year from now?
People are smart, they will figure out the title and what you meant.”

Need to do a load of washing your inner critic out of your head?
Make that the gentle cycle, OK?

Leopard Strengths Spotting

Posted by Dr. Judy at 3:00 am

© 2011 Dr. Judy Krings

Curious? Confident? Courageous?

What order would your strengths have kicked in as you approached petting a
luxurious leopard? What spots of strengths would you notice?

How about this? Spot your strengths and write each one on the leopard’s back!

OK, you can see the trainer nearby, but my awareness was on alert.

After the tiger (you saw in a recent blog) took a playful swipe at me,
caution was riding in the front seat of my brain.
But truth be known, thrilling FUN was sitting in my lap, enjoying the ride.

What is something you have always wanted to do? What’s holding you back?

“Chicken” is also a “C” word, but so is “Creativity.”
And I know you have that!

And don’t believe ”Curiosity killed the cat,” either!