Tag : Well-Being

Kick Obsessiveness to the Curb!

Posted by Dr. Judy at 7:59 am

Do you have that little voice someone who incessantly talks to you?
Tells you how you screwed up, puts you down, or belittles you when
life has given you too many sour notes? Is ”second-guessing” yourself
embedded in your brain?

Or does your little voice positivity remind you of what you need or want
to do to make your day meaningful? Your inner voice is like the Energizer
Bunny who never winds down offering you hope and happiness?

I don’t know about you, but I was born an obsessive thinker.
My “internal dialogue”  or self-talk starts chattering in my head as soon as
I wake up. Sometimes it’s talking  about left-over stuff and other times with
novelty. Did you know your brain solves problems for you, offers you ideas,
or clarifies your world while you sleep?  Yes, during sleep your brain is still
chomping away like a busy beaver.

Like everything else, obsessive thinking can be a pro or con. Great part is you
can generate ideas. On a good day, the creative stuff pops out and you muse
about fun ideas and possibilities. That’s super. You then can then develop an
action plan and create goals and accomplish them and YIPPEE!

On a tough day, your inner critic may pop out, slap you around, reminding you
that your membership in the ”Royal Flunkee Club” is well deserved.

What if you just accepted that your brain works nonstop? To savor your curiosity
and energy that allows you to get more things happily done? To accept yourself
rather than listening to chastising, harsh self talk.

What can you DO to get your inner dialogue to stop?

1. Physically get up and move! Changing your environment gives the brain
a diversion and helps quell your obsessiveness. It fires up your brain to pay
attention to something else. A re-framing relief.

2. Magic slate it away. When I was in coach training years ago, and
I was  incessantly beating myself up for a mistake, esteemed Anne Durand,
MentorCoach  CEO,  told me, “This is not rocket science! It is one coaching
session. Judy, let it go!” But obsessive  me, I was still angry with myself.
Exasperated, she admonished, “Get over your big, damn self!”  I smiled.
She was right. And boy did that idea stick!

3. Treat yourself with respect.You are respectful to others; why not try on
that size yourself? You can tailor your inner self talk to look for the good. It works!

4. Write down one good thing that happened each day. One gratitude,
one good experience, anything that made you smile. Humor is another spirit lifter.
Remember those cancer patients who watched funny sitcoms got better faster
and lived longer?

5. Reread your positive intentions and affirmations.Praise yourself for
following through. Be gentle with yourself. Quit putting your washing machine
cycle on heavy duty!  Tell yourself affirming self-statements, “It was hard, but
I did it.  I am proud of myself.”

6. Accept you ain’t perfect! That is what is so wonderful about you!
Your uniqueness and  mess ups make you a lovely human. If your brain
works over time, love it anyway. Making mistakes is always your golden
opportunity to learn. Living is learning and it keeps your brain in tiptop
shape. It even wards off dementia!

7. What you focus on grows. You can retrain your brain. The more you
focus on how  wonderful you are, the more your brain will believe it. Your neurons
will sprout positivity.  Use your tenacity strength. Find a positivity partner who
will help you remember to let go of your sticky negativity. Being accountable to
someone propels your positivity into high gear. Watch your confidence and
competence add sparkle to your life.

Have any light bulbs turned on for you obsessive thinkers?
May I kindly ask you to LET GO! of stinkin’ obsessive thinkin’.
Forgive and accept yourself, warts and all.

Go stomp in the rain or have a snowball fight. Smile at life.
No beating yourself up. Hug your ever-moving brain and thank God you have one!

Did I hear a negative “Yes…But this is hard!” emanating from your mouth?
My Mom used to teasingly threaten me, “Do you want me to come after
you with the fly swatter?”  Ouch!

Nah, you don’t need a sting, you need to learn to sing! How ’bout:

“I love myself, yes I do, do-dah, do-dah,
I love myself in every way, oh do-dah day!”

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Want to review your strengths and see how to make them work for you?
You can see fun and picturesque 2-page stories in my new book.
Photo Adventures in Cuba ~ Unlock Your Power of Positivity!
Click here to take a peek!

I’d love to hear from you!
Just send me your questions, and I will answer in a future blog.
You can also connect with me on facebook, LinkedIn, or twitter
www.facebook.com/drjudykrings

Turquoise Runs Rings Around Resilience

Posted by Dr. Judy at 3:00 am

Has your life ever been hi-jacked? Let me tell you a true story.
It began 4 years ago. How would you feel if this happened to you?

What if you were 89 years old and in one fell swoop lost your identity
as you had known it? You were whisked off to an assisted living center,
your broken ankle in a cast, your butt in a wheelchair, and deaf because
no one remembered to bring along your cochlear implant? Your daughter
is desperately trying to get a plane flight to come and look after you.
Shockingly quick, within a matter of days per your wishes, your house is
sold for a low ball price. You will never see the home you designed and
built 50 years ago. No saying good-bye to your possessions. Never get to
water your precious plants in your beloved greenhouse. No one last time.
Tough to swallow, but at least you rationalize your house was sold. That’s
how fast life locked the door to my Mom’s reality.

Resilience. Pluck. Awareness and acceptance. They all took time.
But her 90th birthday surprise a month later really perked her up.
Connections. Belonging. Tenacity to heal. Petting her sweet Scottie
dog, Katie, once in awhile, made life worth living again. As you know,
Mom is now 93, out of assisted living, and as she put it, “Living like a
princess, no make that a queen!” at Cathy and Bill’s home in Delaware.
She’s the one with two dogs in her lap with 3 larger pups vying for attention.

But one small detail was lacking, not that Mom would ever complain.
Mom’s hands have been knotted and swollen by arthritis for years.
She missed wearing a ring, but she didn’t want me to buy her new ones nor
to have her rings sized larger. But one day a few months ago, she was
philosophically saying she did miss wearing a ring, but she knew none would fit.

You know me; I had a light bulb moment. On my next flight home, I took all
her rings. I also went to an antique shop and bought 3 I thought might fit.
Full of hope, off to Delaware I flew, rings tucked safely in my purse along
with the whole top tray of her old jewelry box.

To see Mom’s face light up when she saw those rings was worth a million bucks.
With vigor and hope in her heart, she delightedly tried on every one. To her
surprise, several fit. Talk about joy! I was praying her 30 year old watch would
work, too, if I could find a battery. Eureka! I lucked out. That old turquoise
time piece kindly began tick-tocking away.

I am in my 6th decade, and it never ceases to amaze me how every time I
visit Mom, I learn something new about life. To savor. To let go of regrets.
To look for the good. To appreciate EVERYTHING! Mom is the poster girl
for living positive psychology and living her best life now.

Turquoise blue like the azure seas of the Pacific…I look down upon this beauty
ever day from our jungle perch here in Puerto Vallarta.  Everyday I think of
Mom wearing her rings and watch.

What has been your toughest life challenge?
Which strengths became your life preserver?
Which ones plastered a smile upon your face again?
Courage, love of learning, forgiveness? What else?

No matter what, you have 24 strengths to choose from everyday to feather
your nest.  Time to soar to new heights. Just like Mom.Did you remember
I wrote a strengths book dedicated to her?

Want to review your strengths and see how to make them work for you?
You can see fun and picturesque 2-page stories in my new book.
Click here to take a peek!

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I’d love to hear from you!
Just send me your questions, and I will answer in a future blog.
You can also connect with me on facebook, LinkedIn, or twitter
www.facebook.com/drjudykrings

Cheerios with a 2-Dog Character Strengths Chaser!

Posted by Dr. Judy at 3:00 am

© 2011 Dr. Judy Krings

How do you eat your cheerios? Plain?  with Bananas?
Maybe with a box of sweet raisins?  Do you have pet critters watching you,
praying your spoon might slip, leaving them a tasty drop or two?

When Mom’s beloved caretaker, Cathy, sent this photo, I cracked up.
Teasing, I told Mom she eats her breakfast with 2 bodyguards.
No need for a napkin, either.  They lick her face for dessert!

Want to know about Miss Kiki, the white smarty pants, and Mugsy,
the marvelous brown mini-guard dog? When Mom first went to stay with
Cathy and Bill the end of April, Mugsy decided he and Mom were soul mates.
Granted, it took him a few loud barks to get the larger dogs to hoof it somewhere
else. The huge black dogs, Dudley, the great Dane, and darling German Shepherd,
Jet, had to hightail it when the 2 little terror pups pranced in.

But where did Lucas, the Black Scottie fit in?
Not one for attention, he’s the bystander and sometimes the referee.
Ironic, as Mom had a Black Scottie dog, Katie, she adored. I had bet
the ranch Mom would take to Lucas. But I was wrong. Wise Mom let the
dogs decide where their canine behinds would reside.
Luca-Duca likes to hide under Mom’s chair.

Love trumps. Mugsy was in love with Mom from the get go. He laid claim
to her lap ASAP! Pet time, nap time, treat time (don’t tell!), like a king, he reigns.

Are you wondering how Kiki got into the lap time picture?
Cathy’s watchful eye captured the original scene.
One day a few weeks ago, Kiki kept staring at Mom and Mugsy.
Her doggy brain must have lit up like a Christmas tree.
Cathy swears Kiki figured out Mugsy was hogging all the attention.
Kiki is, after all, the only lady in a sea of 4 male dogs.
It was time for her to garner some respect!

After a calculated moment, Kiki took a long leap. She unceremoniously
landed right on top of Mugsy. Not one to easily give up his kingdom,
Mugsy let Kiki lay right smack on top of him. He never budged for hours!
Mom laughed her butt off.

In some nonverbal diplomacy, the two of them have worked out squatters’ rights.
Negotiation and compromise. Not bad for two pesky pups knowing they’re in luck!

How many character strengths did you notice?
Here’s a few to get you started (even if some of them are of canine origin!):
Love…Patience…Creativity…Kindness…Teamwork…Gratitude…
Critical Thinking…Humor…

What have you learned from your pet today? Ever notice their strengths?
I’d love to hear about your critter capers. And speaking curious capers. . .

Treat yourself, friends and family to my new book:
Photo Adventures in Cuba ~ Unlock Your Power of Positivity”
Click here to take a peek!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’d love to hear from you!
Just send me your questions, and I will answer in a future blog.
You can also connect with me on facebook, LinkedIn, or twitter
www.facebook.com/drjudykrings

7 Character Strengths Tips to Well-Being and How To Pay It Forward

Posted by Dr. Judy at 3:00 am

© 2011 Dr. Judy Krings

Want to live positive psychology “the good life?” Then you need to identify and
empower your 24 character strengths to anchor well-being. Time to enrich your
life with less work and more play!

What Does Positive Psychology Mean To You?

Simply defined, as one client said to me the other day, “Before coaching, I asked
myself, “Is this all there is? I just want to be happier. When I asked her what
happier looked like to her, her light bulb moment flashed! “I want a good life.
I want more fun. I want more time for myself and time to go to volunteer and
make the world better.” BINGO! Then and there she set goals to achieve a more
upbeat and fulfilling life.

Positive psychology harvests all your sparkling facets. You define what a
“good person” means to you. You dive into your strengths and virtues. Want
to know a few?  Capacity to love and be loved, courage, curiosity, forgiveness,
tenacity, gratitude, social intelligence, and critical thinking. At the community
level: civility, altruism, work ethics, tolerance, and nurturance.

Here are 7 tips to help you understand your strengths, win at well-being, and
pay your wisdom forward:

1. Expand and open your mind to learning new perspectives and gain
mind-expanding personal insights. Take the Values in Action Survey (VIA) 
at www.viacharacter.org. Find your strengths. Remember none is better than
another. The top 5 are called your Signature Strengths as you may use these more
often. And don’t be shocked if they don’t seem to fit. My first one is Appreciation
of Beauty and Excellence. When I saw this I thought. “How shallow is that! Why
couldn’t I have had a ‘good’ one like courage?” Then it hit me. No matter how bad
my day seemed, if I paused to look at art and nature, I could cope with just about
anything. I was sold on strengths then and there.

2. Feel your optimism and resilience expand as you understand your
strengths lead you to well-being. When life is forcing you to eat a crap
sandwich, look to your strengths. For instance, if you tell yourself, “Nobody
listens to me!”, ask yourself, “Am I a good listener? Am I expecting too much?”
Ask yourself, “Which strength do I choose to use to get people to listen?” Perhaps
its courage to ask others if they would please sit awhile and hear you out.

Look at your 24 strengths as treats you give yourself. Like a tasty hot fudge sundae
with 24 toasted pecans on top. YUMMY. Strengths sweeten your lifeand change
your perspectives.

3. Savor how strengths help you with direction and decision-making.
Maybe you need to call upon your patience strength to deal with a difficult boss
or an unhappy partner. Maybe you need to look your persistence strength in the
eye to empower you to get a job done.

4. Capture your confidence strength.  Know it is a by-product of action.
Use your strengths in a planned and organized way. Add other strengths like
optimism to make your journey easier. Be grateful to yourself and others who
have helped you along the way.

5. Generate zest as you achieve your very best! Celebrate your victories.
Feel your positive energy pump you up as you win at well-being. It’s OK to be
humble, but celebrating success leads to more happiness.

6. Breathe in fulfillment and meaning when you engage your strengths,
especially when your goals look difficult. Pile on positivity every time you
strap on a strength. Want more fun? Get a partner to help cheer and mentor you.
Remind yourself of how joyful you will feel whenyou run across the finish line.

7. Applaud your mindful awareness.  Know your strengths guide your
way through life. Pull your strengths out of our quiver. Be patient and hopeful
as you pull back your strength arrows. Shoot their positivity to help you hit the
bull’s eye. Want to make this fun? Draw a target on a piece of paper. Write your 24
strengths inside your target. Get creative. Let your inner kid out to play. Throw a
dart (careful with your aim!) and see which strength you nailed. Challenge yourself
to use that strength for a day.

Remember if you want to achieve something get out your VIA results and take a
gander at which strength the best serve you. Really stop and you will see them
jump right out at you. You might also do what I do. Memorize your top strengths.
Print out your list of 24 so you can grab it at a weak moment when you need some 
help move you forward. They are one terrific life vest, so always kept them close
to your chest!

If you operate in the business world, check out the Gallop StrengthsFinders2
assessment. Engaging strengths at work helps you become a better leader,
enhances skills, energizes your performance.

Think about your favorite strengths stories? I especially love when you tell me
you piggy backed strengths and use a whole constellation of them at once. Or when
you have fun with your strengths and make up a new one designed especially for
you.That’s really fun! One if mine id “Gardenator”. Why? When I am in my garden,
my mind roams free and gives rise to creativity!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you’d like to hear uniquely inspiring strengths stories and savor gorgeous
photos, go to http://www.coachingpositivity.com/photo-adventures-in-cuba/
and take a look at my new book, “Photo Adventures in Cuba ~ Unlock Your Power
of Positivity”. You can also get my blog delivered to your email and score a copy
of my free Ebook on how to rev up your relationship.

Thanks for being my positivity partner!

How Do You Spell Father?

Posted by Dr. Judy at 3:00 am

© 2011 Dr. Judy Kring

What name do you call the man who fathered or parented you?
Dad, Pops, Daddy, Father… 3, 4, 5, 6 little letters that spell out gigantic strengths.
Nurturing, courage, vitality, wit and wisdom, loving, generous, kind, thoughtful…
I bet your list goes on.

He’s your advocate, teacher, admirer, and the man who always has your back.

This is Mom’s most cherished photo of Daddy.

After a terrible car accident and three hospital stays, it took my emaciated daddy
ten brave months before heaven called. I was 26 when he died. Serendipitously,
or was it divine intervention, I was back in Delaware working at the time.
Daddy gave me the gift of being with him before his last good bye.

Daddy wasn’t perfect, but who is? He was my hero, anyway. I still remember him
telling me if I wanted to play basketball at 5’1″,  I’d need to run faster,  shoot from
almost center court, and getup when the Amazon gals elbowed me to the ground.

How’s that for a great life lesson? I remembered it well, when I played college
basketball, the shortest one in the conference.

This one’s with love for you, Daddy.
Happy Father’s Day!

Have you told your dad or father figure you love him?
I bet you have or will, even if you are looking up into the heavens, along with me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P.S. Judy loves to hear your comments.
Feel free to send her questions you may have!
You can also connect with Judy on Facebook, LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter.
http://www.facebook.com/drjudykrings
Pre-Order a copy of her new book NOW! Visit: www.coachingpositivity.com
“Photo Adventures in Cuba ~ Unlock Your Power of Positivity”